A Smile In The Dark
by claireydid
Summary: When the rest of the world remained somewhat taken in by the calm façade presented upon the features of one Remus Lupin, there was one who made it past the mask and reached the man inside. In the midst of a war, peace is lost and found.
1. Default Chapter

Right, this fic is written by both myself and Alexia S. Luclwit, good friend and goddess writer extraordinaire. This fic was her brainchild, and I got drawn into the web of ideas she was weaving together. I feel honoured to be writing alongside her, as always, and I hope that everyone enjoys the fic.

A Smile in the Dark  
by Lexi and Claire

_Prologue-_

Each chink of knives against plates made Remus wince inwardly. Chatter hummed all around him, along with smoke from Mundungus' pipe. What Mundungus was smoking Remus didn't particularly care to know; it reeked and made his vision blur. That, in itself, was enough to make Remus want to abandon the dinner table at Grimmauld place, and only the fact that leaving would attract attention kept him in place. All at once several people jumped away from the table and Fred and George burst into howling laughter, quickly followed with the reprimands of an irate Mrs. Weasley. Remus had enough time to move down the bench and press his back to the wall when several vampiric rabbits bounded from the table in hot pursuit of Crookshanks. Raucous hissing sounded in the hall and Ron snorted into his dessert.

This was his chance. Excusing himself softly he returned a near-untouched dinner to the kitchen before heading for the stairs. Something clattered to the floor behind him, not something he had upset, and while he normally would have stopped to help, this time he didn't. If he was to be off to Arbatskaya Moscow in the morning, he had to shake how he felt before he left. The door to his room opened silently and he didn't close it on entering, thoughts tied up in escaping his shoes and burying himself in blankets and sleep.

Tonks frowned in the direction of Remus's exit, and then scowled as she paused to pick up the fork she had knocked off a plate. She noted the almost full one placed next to it and chewed her lip absently as she fought an inward battle. Remus hadn't been anything like his usual self for the past couple of days; he was pale, looked drained almost. Concern twined within her and caused her to make up her mind. She walked to the foot of the stairs, cursed softly as she almost tripped over the hem of her robes, and began to ascend.

When she finally reached the top, narrowly avoiding knocking over a fragile looking vase situated on a table on the landing, she hesitated. Was it really her place to intrude on Remus's business, to interrupt the solitude he might be seeking willingly? A thought over all of the times she had spoken with him once again made her mind up for her. He had never been anything but soft spoken and kind around her; had never been less than courteous. She saw that the door was left open a crack, walked to it and paused again momentarily before calling in a whisper, "Remus?" and walking through seconds later.

Shadows shifted across the floor and Remus looked up to find Tonks standing in the door. All at once he realised that his weariness and pain must be near to written on his face. A soft sigh and he let it fade away; not wishing for her to see anything besides the calm he showed them all. When he was sure such emotions no longer ran rampant on his features he looked up. "Hullo, Tonks. Is there something you need?" he questioned, sitting up, thinking perhaps she needed one of the various files that the Ministry had owled in earlier.

Tonks walked further into the room, the awkwardness she felt dissipating somewhat as the worry rushed in. "No, not really. It's just..." here she paused, approached closer, putting the pained expression that had glazed his features away in her memory, simply to remind herself not to give up even if he didn't tell her what was wrong. "I was worried about you. You don't seem like your usual self. Is...is there something bothering you?"

This wasn't what Remus had expected, though in a sense he had been avoiding it. Of all the things he knew how to deal with, the worry of others wasn't on the list. A small smile found him and he glanced to the floor. "I'm just tired, it's nothing. The racket at the table was just not agreeing. Somehow I think there's something more to your following me, did Molly send you?" he questioned, quirking an eyebrow at her. She responded by coming closer to the bed and cautiously seating herself on the edge. A quiet smile of her own returned his. "No, Molly didn't send me. I came on my own," she said and crossed her legs, sitting straighter before catching Remus's hand out of impulse, beginning to toy with his fingers in the familiar way that only friends can achieve. She noted the still bare finger, the lines upon the palm, the scars, and the dent from where finger and pen had met to inscribe thoughts to parchment. Her gaze lingered over that one finger though; the one that she believed should be filled. Remus didn't deserve all that he went through; what he deserved was love, compassion and understanding. Tonks could only hope that one day he'd find the right person to give such gifts to him. "I came of my own accord."

A long pause ensued after this, but it wasn't exactly uncomfortable. More... open. As if the very air was waiting for the words to be said next. Tonks eventually gave in, her voice a gentle lilt upon the air, "I don't believe for a moment that this is only tiredness. I'm not daft, Remus." Her tone softened after this and she continued. "If you ever wish to unburden some of the weight you carry, I'll always listen. I just want you to know that."

Letting her keep his hand hostage, Remus drew his knees up and closed his eyes against the backboard. The many things on his mind had no words, and none he could try and give them right now. "I'm all right, Tonks, thinking on things, nothing more. Sometimes thoughts carry more weight than anything else, and I have yet to hunt up a pensieve," at this he looked to her and smiled. "Thanks for stopping in though, and not on Molly's insistence. It means a lot, but in any case, I'd best sleep to be up early, and you have the Ministry in the morning." Tonks rolled her eyes at the mention of the Ministry and exclaimed "don't _remind_ me! I often wonder if I hadn't better have chosen something else. Don't get me wrong, I love being an Auror, but some of the idiocy the Ministry promotes..." here she stopped, let out a sigh. "Sorry, I don't mean to rant. I daresay you know my feelings regarding the Ministry anyhow," she let slip of his fingers, placing his hand down quietly. After a second she leaned forward and touched his face briefly, before drawing back. "I'll let you sleep. I hope you'll feel better, thoughts can cause more strain than we realise at times." She shifted herself from the covers, walked to the door. A single smile, and she was gone, lavender whispering upon the air in her wake.

Notes: Warning. Romance junkie and Woe lover are joining forces to write this one. O.O


	2. Chapter 1

A Smile in the Dark.

_Chapter One._

The next morning dawned with cold brightness, a chink of light slipping between the curtains of Remus's room. He awoke with a shiver and realised that he had at some point during the night kicked a few of the comforters adorning his bed onto the floor. He blamed himself entirely for choosing to bury himself in such a mountain of blankets. A moment's hunting was afforded to locate his glasses before he realised they were on the bedside table. He let out a quiet snort at his own silliness and slipped them on, sleep-blurred eyes clearing to greet a fair morning. He gave a slight pinch to the bridge of his nose as he thought briefly of his tasks for the day. This done, he slipped from the bed, doing his best to be quiet as he knew the other occupants of the house still slept peacefully. Or so he presumed.

Though most of the Order or those related to them lay fast asleep, there was one other person awake besides Remus. Tonks rolled over lazily in bed, contemplating getting up but deciding since she hadn't slept that well it could wait a few more minutes. Her fingers ran up to finger the hair that had morphed from a short, bright violet style to long and red in her sleep. She decided that she rather liked it and would keep it…well, at least for today. Moments later she got tired of laying still and let herself drop ungracefully out of the blankets, managing to trip over the edge of one that was hanging on the floor and bury herself in them. The new formation was the Tonks bundle. A disgruntled huff was heard, and a tousled head stuck itself out of the blankets before Tonks managed to disentangle herself from the odd hybrid she and the fleeced culprits had presented.

Once this daunting task was accomplished, she picked up the blankets and tossed them on the bed, beginning to straighten out the blankets until she heard a soft step down the hall. Sharp hearing served her well in this case, not to mention an impeccable sense of timing with regards to when she woke up—it looked like she was going to be able to catch Remus before he left for Moscow.

Remus gathered his blankets up into a bundle and spread them back out over his bed in a way that would pass as relatively neat until his return. He then dressed quickly and picked up his already prepared suitcase, ready to leave without further preamble. His stroll down the hall however was interrupted by a rumpled red head and twinkling dark eyes poking around a door. Though her hair was long and flamed, he recognised Tonks immediately as she whispered "morning…Russia calling so early?" His response was a quiet smile, not forgetting her approach to him the night before. "I'm afraid so. Why are you awake this early yourself? You should be resting."

"I had trouble sleeping and always wake up early anyway. I just don't usually function correctly until the essential caffeine injection has been administered into my bloodstream." A wry grin flickered across Tonks' face at this, but she still remembered to keep her voice at a whisper. "How long are you off to Russia for then, Mr. Lupin?" Though her question was light, the worry that she had displayed for his well-being the night before returned at least two fold as she took in how tired he still seemed.

"As long as it takes, I shall be there indefinitely for the time being." Though Remus's reply was short, it did nothing to reassure Tonks, who reached for a strand of red hair and began to pull absently at it. "Well, do take care, won't you?" Remus nodded, "I can hardly be anything else. This mission is important." A final soft smile was given to Tonks, though on impulse, his hand tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before his words were left to float in the hall. "I'll be careful, promise. Look out for the letters, they'll tell you of my doings should you wish to know."

As this sentence echoed slightly, quietly as Remus had spoken, he gave a respectful nod that might have been interpreted as curt by some, but not by Tonks. She nodded back with a small smile, and then disappeared back into her room as Remus walked down the stairs and out the door of Grimmauld Place, ready to begin one of many long journeys soon to be made.

Tonks had previously had it in mind to make another attempt at sleep, but now it eluded her entirely in the presence of her worry for Remus. She didn't know when it had become so important to her that he would be all right…she guessed it was because she had formed a bond of sorts with members of the Order of the Phoenix, and didn't wish to lose any member of their side. They were fighting for a better future, and to Tonks, that future wouldn't be complete without the Order members there to see it together. She knew full well that they wouldn't all survive, had known that there was a possibility that she herself would die. She wasn't worried or afraid for herself – it was for the others.

A few hours later, she still lay awake wondering about this, her own tiredness not coming into the equation in the slightest. She then realised that it was almost time to get up, and it would be better to be out of bed a little earlier than usual anyway if she wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep.

With this, she rolled from bed, trying to ignore the fact that half of the reason she was failing to fall back to sleep was the fact that she kept replaying Remus's touch to her hair over and over again in her mind. Whilst she was changing into her customary jeans and t-shirt, pulling her robes over the top for neatness, brushing her hair, it looped around her mind yet again.

His fingers had been gentle and they had brushed her skin for such precious seconds, caught on the side of her face ever so slightly. The smallest moment, but it was enough.

_Indefinitely, _he had said. Indefinitely. No real outline for his stay in Russia.

How was it that indefinitely sounded like far too long a time to Tonks?

Indefinitely. No specific beginning or end.

She was starting to think the word oddly appropriate, suited to the situation. She brushed these thoughts away with a sigh as Kingsley banged on her door. "TONKS! UP!" A scowl crossed her features at this, and she reached for the nearest shoe and threw it out the gap, managing to hit Kingsley on the head with it.

"TONKS!"

A grin spread over her face as she stuck her head around the door to face a bristling Kingsley, who was massaging his head looking rather injured. "I warned you not to wake me up. You're just lucky that I've been up a few hours anyway or you would have gotten much worse. Now, go away, please and thank-you!" And with that, she shut the door in his face and resumed getting ready, pushing worry for one Remus Lupin from her mind so that she could concentrate on her tasks for the day.

Author's note: I know I haven't been very dedicated about updating, but I've been writing Tonks in two RPGs and it's been difficult to keep up as well as moderating one of those two RPGs. Please forgive me and be patient, I will have chapters forthcoming for stories soon.


	3. Chapter 2

A Smile in the Dark.

_Chapter Two._

A week later and Tonks found herself concealed within the walls of Grimmauld Place, the thoughts of Russia and Remus taking over her and looming like the ominous grey clouds staining the horizon if she looked out of the window. He had sent one note as an update for her specifically that consisted of "Things going well. I'm safe as I can be. Try not to worry." Of course, that only served to double her concern since though Remus was a man of few words when necessary, this was beyond heavily coded messages. It irked her since he had said there would be regular updates, but she supposed that the details of the letters he sent with the principal information couldn't be disclosed to all of the Order due to both security reasons and different areas of expertise. When she had asked Moody, he had initially told her that it was a bad time to ask since they were all incredibly busy, and the last thing she needed to do was worry about someone else's' welfare when she wasn't careful enough with her own.

However, she planned to try again today and hopefully with a little more success. She shifted herself in her chair, waiting for Moody to come in to talk to her as he said he would. She wasn't to be disappointed; the sound of a wooden leg scratching along the floor was heard a few moments later, a reward to her unusually exercised patience. The door slid open with a slight creak, and the slightly grizzled and exceptionally paranoid older Auror entered the room with wand out, as was his habit. His stance relaxed as Tonks got to her feet to greet him, and his wand was stowed away in a pocket of his cloak, at his side for easy access and to ensure that he was providing the example of elementary wand safety that he always lectured others about.

"Wotcher, Moody. Any news?" Tonks stood in a pose that suggested she was standing to attention. Only her eyes following her superior suggested any hint that this conversation wasn't entirely professionally based. _Well, technically it is. After all, he has no inkling of what I might be feeling towards Remus other than concern for a fellow Order member._

"You might want to sit down for a few minutes Tonks, if we're to have a proper conversation. You've been bugging me about this for days, and I want to answer at my leisure and in some form of comfort, thank you so much." Moody's voice was gruff but not harsh, and his demeanour was entirely respectful with a hint of a fatherly affection to his words. After a moment, he sank into a chair, Tonks easing up her posture and following his lead. "You want news about Lupin, then?"

Tonks nodded, unsure all of a sudden what she wanted to hear. After a long pause, the questions poured out of her in a rush that she considered to be unseemly but couldn't hold back. "Is he truly safe? Is he all right? Will he be back soon? Is he…" Tonks paused for breath, continued "…is he coping? Is the mission a success?"

Moody stared at her evenly, and with a flick of his wand sealed the room against any form of eavesdropping. "Nothing I tell you leaves this room, Tonks. Understand?" Encouraged by the sincerity of her nod and the worried expression that immediately crossed her face at his need for secrecy, and he continued. "I am not entirely convinced of Lupin's professions that his health is fully intact, but aside from that, the mission appears to be going well. He'll soon be out of there if things continue to go this well, but I won't be banking on anything just yet. That's the thing with letters, they can cause deception easily, and I wouldn't put it past Lupin to be typically stubborn and lie about his own condition to help the Order. What he doesn't seem to understand is that seeing himself exhausted to the point of death won't help the Order. And it won't keep him safe; he'll put his life at risk because of the people he's dealing with, too."

Tonks's expression had been worried to begin with, but now her skin was out and out white and her eyes were filled with a wild, barely restrained fear that not even her morphing could have concealed had it occurred to her. "He'll…he'll be all right, won't he?"

Moody tilted his head to examine the young Auror, who flushed under his scrutiny as though she had something to hide. Then it clicked. "You've got quite a yen for Lupin, haven't you lass? Dangerous, dangerous thing in these times." He didn't disapprove exactly, was more wary about telling her more precisely how things were going because of such. In fact, he thought he had told her enough, judging by the expression upon her face.

"_What_? _Me_? And…and Remus? No, Mad-Eye, you've got it wrong…" Tonks's stammering only served to incriminate her further, and though she met his eyes steadily, she couldn't hide the sudden flash of guilt and the blush that had risen to her cheeks.

Moody merely raised an eyebrow at her and quipped "sure I have. Same as I get the mission information wrong." _That means almost never_, thought Moody to himself, knowing that his careful choice of words would eventually elicit the right response.

Tonks, still somewhat red in the face, questioned "how did you know?" with a slight frown upon her face. Had she been that obvious? Did she even know herself what she felt towards Remus?

"I didn't first off, I had my suspicions but you just confirmed them." Moody sat back and smirked at her, pleased with the success and nature that his estimations had led to.

"You're right to look out for him; he needs it. I'm warning you however to be careful. Don't get too close because that will just make losing him all the more painful if it happens. We're in a war Tonks, and war means pain and loss. Protect yourself from it as much as you can, if you can. If hiding it hurts, then don't. If telling would hurt more, I say again, don't. In the end the decision is in your hands, but I hope for your sake and his that you'll make the right one." He watched her features carefully as he spoke, worrying for her simply because she seemed so innocent, so untainted in comparison to some of the other Order members. He knew that she'd lose that through this war and it saddened him to think of it.

Tonks listened to Moody's words seriously, an unusual expression upon her face, something caught between thought and sorrow. "I don't intend to do anything. There's nothing there to do anything about, Mad-Eye. I care about Lupin, but no more than I'm supposed to. He's my friend." She tried not to let it show how difficult she found calling him Lupin rather than Remus…his surname gave him the air of a soldier, an anonymous face that she might never see again. Just another name to be added to a list of casualties that had suffered to help their cause. She couldn't lose him to this lack of identity, this impersonality. She just couldn't. Her thoughts turned on her and shocked her with their intensity. _Is this really how I feel about him?_

"All due respect Tonks, but you're a terrible liar regarding Lupin. You call him by his first name most of the time for starters and I've never heard you object when you're talking together or when he's looking your way and you're looking his. I've seen you watching him." Moody decided that after this sentence, almost an evaluation of the entire situation, it was time to be more serious. "I intend to have Lupin back at headquarters within a week or so if there is no proof of things improving as he says." And with this, Moody got to his feet, nodded at her. "I'm afraid I need to get going. There's something I need to see to. All the best." A few moments later the eavesdropping spell was removed and the elder Auror, scarred not only by battles but also by life and wisdom left the room, an astounded and emotionally confused Tonks in his wake.

_Mad-Eye's more right than he knows. He hit the bull's-eye unintentionally. I care about Remus. I sincerely care about him, have done for months. And yet I've managed to keep it held back, hidden away._

_I've got to see him, if only for a moment. I'll write to him, I'll do anything. I've just got to know for myself that he's all right._

With this final thought in mind, Tonks left the room herself to go back upstairs and write a letter. How was she to know that Remus Lupin would be arriving a few hours later and would receive the letter whilst at Grimmauld Place?


	4. Chapter 3

A Smile in the Dark.

_Chapter Three._

Remus Lupin arrived at Grimmauld Place knowing that he probably looked a mess and felt worse, but somehow not caring. _It's done, I finally succeeded. And my reward…dubious as it is, to come back here. Wonderful._ He blinked slightly and shook his head as he made his way to his room. _I really need to stop thinking sarcastically. It's twice as bad as saying it out loud because no one can hear it. _Silent foot-steps took him to his bed, his door having been opened and closed behind him. A tired sigh that was heard by no one escaped, leaving an exhausted Remus in its wake. _Sleep. Good idea._ A few moments later he was curled within the blankets, fully intent on burying himself there and ignoring the fact that the rest of the world existed.

Tonks sat in her room, finishing writing her letter. _How to sign myself?_ The edge of her crumpled feather quill met her teeth as she chewed on it absently, quickly realising that it tasted vile and wouldn't help her think. "Blech!" Quickly removing it, she began to write 'Nymphadora Tonks' at the bottom of the letter, suddenly scribbling it out furiously. _I am **not** going to let him call me Nymphadora. Nuh-uh. No. _A moment's thought was given again, and she put her initials. _But that seems so cold, too formal for the subject matter. I'd sign that on a note, or to someone I barely know._ Scratching it out again, she wrinkled her nose in a way that would have been deemed adorable, had anyone been around to see it.

She put 'Tonks', and then added an N in front of it as an afterthought. _There. Nothing untoward or odd can be read into that. It's just my first damn initial and my last name._ A moment before she rolled the letter into a neat scroll and closed it with a waxen seal. It occurred to her to put a spell on it as well, to prevent prying eyes from reading it. This was her next following action, before she gave a whistle and called her owl to her. "To Mr. Lupin," she said quietly, petting the owl's feather softly. A nibble on her finger and the tawny owl's wings spread, sweeping her out into the darkness without further ado.

Remus had begun to doze softly, only to be rudely jolted out of the warmth by a tapping at his window. Annoyed, he opened one eye and saw that it was an owl, going to the window and giving it a treat before chastising "you pick the wrong time for delivery, my friend," scratching it atop the head before retrieving the letter it held in its claws. It soared off into the night, but as Remus turned his back, it wheeled around and swept into one of the other windows in Grimmauld Place. Tearing the seal open, one with a flower and a dagger entwined in purple wax which he didn't recognise, he decided to read the letter now being that he had gotten out of bed to get it. Reaching for his glasses and slipping them on, he seated himself with his back against the headboard, finding it too cold outside of the blankets for long.

_Remus,_

_I've no idea where you are specifically or I wouldn't be writing this letter. I haven't heard anything from you for over a week and I'm starting to get worried since you are generally a man of your word. I thought that I'd write to you and check that you're all right. Don't worry about the letter, if anyone else tries to read it, they'll be hexed and it'll self-destruct. Beside the point, at any rate._

_I'm very concerned about your well-being, and this is coming from me as a friend and not just as an Order member. I worry for you and hate the fact that you're stuck in Arbatskaya when you shouldn't be. I might sound formal but I truly don't intend it, it's just the style that I tend to fall into when I write letters, so please excuse me._

_If you don't get in contact with me in some shape or form to let me know you're still breathing (I'm not satisfied with those reports of yours, they're easily counterfeit, and I wouldn't put it past you to lie about being well or unwell at any rate) I'm going to come find you. I don't care how long it takes me, I will do it._

_I care about you Remus Lupin, now please don't throw that away by ignoring this._

_Yours sincerely, now just as much as ever_

_N. Tonks._

The letter was read several times over, Remus blinking several times in a rather bemused manner before he set it aside and removed his glasses. Tonks obviously had no clue that he had returned. Now that he thought of it, he doubted that many of the Order members knew just yet. He was touched by her concern, rather more than he should have been. _None of that! You know where those kinds of thought trails will lead you. And it isn't someplace that you'd want her to know of, however much you respect her._ Inside Remus a small voice gave protest to his thoughts, making him examine his conscience. _Then again, are you sure that it's just respect?_

These ideas were pushed aside in favour of slipping from bed, too preoccupied with the thought of speaking to Tonks now to sleep right off. His foot-steps padded him out over the creaky floorboards that Grimmauld Place was oh so blessed with, thankfully making minimal noise. His soft treads left him facing the door of Nymphadora Tonks's room, and the only thing that remained was for him to knock and enter. With a hand that trembled slightly for reasons unknown, he trailed his knuckles against the cool wood and knocked.

Tonks's head snapped up at the sound inside, and her wand was in her hand out of habit as she walked over to fling it open, forgetting entirely that she was in her pyjamas, which were red and baggy for comfort. Tripping slightly on the edge of her trousers and cursing "Bugger!" before she opened the door, Tonks answered as usual with wand out first, recognition second. The person standing there was not one that she had expected to see. "_Remus, is that you?_" Tonks's voice was urgent as she lowered her wand slightly, stepping back so that he could come into the light. Joy, an emotion not often seen upon her features, lit up in her eyes and became a smile upon her lips before fading, hidden away like a miser hoarding treasure. Impulsively, Tonks flung her arms around the figure, far gladder to see him than he probably guessed.

Staggered by the sudden hug but not unpleasantly surprised, Remus returned it, taking in the scent of raspberry shampoo that rose from Tonks's hair with eyes closed. "I'm all right, Tonks. I've been here just over half an hour, received your letter a few minutes ago and decided to come see you." He drew back from her, took her features in. "You look exhausted." And the truth was that she did. Her hair wasn't its usual shade of pink; instead a more muted shade of violet, one that tinged on a dark purple that was almost black. Her eyes had dark circles underneath them that quickly faded into nothing as Remus gave her his scrutiny for a bit longer than perhaps strictly necessary. "No morphing tricks around me Tonks, I can tell you're tired just from looking at you. Your eyes speak of it even if your features don't." And it was true, the blue orbs that she usually had such a bright shade were a lot darker than usual, weariness in them that did not allow her to display her usual sparkle.

"Tiredness can be cured, Remus. It's nothing of consequence; I've merely been doing my job…the same as you." The tiredness was in her voice too now, and he hated to hear it, hated to work out what pulling double shifts was costing her. One lot with the Ministry, and then another with the Order. He knew that she was a valuable asset to their side and could not afford to be lost, but it didn't mean that he liked the fact that her very rarity was costing her health a heavy price.

"Won't you rest, Nymphadora?"

"Call me that one more time and I'll see that you're resting all right…in an early grave." A wry grin spread over Tonks's features at this, knowing that he would never stop teasing her with her name when it suited him.

"Duly noted, now sleep!" He guided her firmly over to her bed, adding afterwards "thank you very much for your letter…it was appreciated." These words only brought a smile to Tonks's face, causing her to reply simply "you know that I care now," before nestling into her blankets and closing her eyes peacefully. She knew that there was more to be said, but for now they were both too tired in mind and body to make much of it. Another time would allow them to talk of such things.

Remus watched her start to doze before murmuring quietly "sweet dreams, Nymphadora Tonks." He took his leave after this, returning to his own bed and falling asleep to uneasy dreams himself, the thought of the woman across the hall not allowing him to rest. Her simple words of kindness had struck a chord in him, struck deeper than he perhaps ought to have let them.

_She cares about me. I mean something to someone._ This was Remus's last coherent thought before he drifted off, wondering if he'd see her at breakfast, and what tomorrow would bring.

Author's note: I really, _really_ wanted them to snuggle and fall asleep together in this chapter, but it seemed a bit premature. I promise that such will occur in future chapters.


	5. Chapter 4

A Smile in the Dark.

_Chapter Four._

The next morning, a rudely screeching alarm clock was the herald to the awakening of one bubblegum-haired Metamorphmagus, this morning not as pink as usual for some odd reason. Perplexed, and still rather sleepy, Tonks lifted a strand of her long brown hair, wondering where the hell it had come from. What had she been dreaming to make her resume her natural colour? This pondering was disturbed once more by the alarm clock, and with a glare that was slightly less potent than usual due to the sleepiness, she gave it a smack with her hand that effectively silenced it. Swinging her legs out of bed, she slipped a warm robe on over the top of her pyjamas and stumped down to the kitchen, managing for once to avoid tripping over anything, herself included. Through the open doorway she went, straight over to the table where there was an absolute plethora of mugs of all shapes, sizes and colours with a hot pot of coffee resting serenely nearby whilst sending deliciously scented curls of steam into the air.

A moment later, she had sat down and downed half a mug without much incident other than scorching the tips of her fingers on the smallest bit of coffee she had spilt. It was only once the caffeine had begun to filter into her system that she noticed she was being regarded from a distance. Without turning her head or acknowledging the presence of the werewolf, her eyes flicked to the side to verify that it was indeed Remus. And it was, looking less tired and with damp hair, which he obviously hadn't bothered to dry yet from his morning shower. He was leaning in the doorway, watching her quietly and no doubt wondering when she was going to notice that he was there.

"Take a picture, lasts longer," she chimed with a wicked grin, still not looking at him. _You'll have to do better than that if you want to sneak up on me. I might be bad at stealth myself, but it doesn't mean I'm bad at catching other people at it. _

Her words startled Remus, made him slightly abashed about watching her. "Good morning to you too, Tonks," he returned with a smile of his own. "Are you working today?" This question asked, he made his way into the kitchen and sat opposite her comfortably, looking around for the paper and realising suddenly that it was too early for it to have been delivered yet. _Nice, Remus. You know that she works pretty much every day. She pulls double shifts for Merlin's sake!_

At his question, Tonks finally looked at him full on, wrapped snugly in her robe and suddenly realising that she was in her pyjamas in front of a man she most definitely had feelings for. _Damn. _Giving him a smile, she replied "not for another couple of hours. It's only just past six and I don't have to be in till ten." Leaving the words in the air, a sudden idea hit her, one that she didn't dare act out. _Should I ask him to come get lunch with me today, when we both have a break? _Acting casual, Tonks questioned "and you? What are you planning to do with your day, Remus?"

_I love the fact that she addresses me by something that isn't my surname. She actually treats me like a person, and not a werewolf or a soldier of some kind. _Smiling both inwardly and outwardly, Remus replied "oh, I have nothing planned. I've been granted a brief reprieve even though I have consistently protested that I am fit for work." A slight frown replaced the smile at this, Remus unmistakably irked that he was forbidden from working.

"Fit for work, pfft. Would resting seriously kill you, just for one day?" Tonks raised an eyebrow at him then and winked to soften it. "Besides, there'd be no intelligent company left if you worked yourself to death. Also, you'd be denied the pleasure of our early morning banter, and therefore deprived of me!" To punctuate the fact that she was joking, Tonks fluttered her eyelashes in a way that wasn't out of place on Fleur Delacour, except the blonde pulled it off with more aplomb due to her Veela blood. On Tonks, it looked ridiculous and she knew it.

Her expression had the desired effect, Remus laughing and responding "what? Deprived of Tonks? Such a travesty, I must rest if only to avoid that!" The laughter faded to leave him with a soft ache in his stomach and a slight fluttery feeling that he didn't recognise. Or at least, pretended he didn't recognise. _She makes you nervous. She's intelligent, funny and she makes you nervous. _Remus blocked out such thoughts and decided to busy himself in retrieving a cup of coffee for himself, suddenly noticing what was different about Tonks this morning. "I haven't seen you brunette before Tonks," he commented abstractly, privately thinking that it suited her very well. _The hazel eyes, too. They're…thoughtful. _

Remus's words reminded Tonks with a shock that her hair was still natural, as were her eyes, or so she presumed. A quick flick changed her eyes to blue and a slight screw up of her face made it black with a blue tint. "It's just as well you haven't. It's dreadful; I don't let anyone see me like that. I'm a bit…well. I don't like myself naturally." Her words belied the sudden panic that had arisen in her, and she occupied herself with staring into the base of her coffee cup, now empty, Tonks regretting that she had drained it as quickly as she had.

_That was her natural form? But…why doesn't she like it? _Remus scrutinised her closely, deciding to be slightly brazen and talk to her about it. "If that was you naturally, then I am most certainly not seeing anything worthy of not being liked, Tonks." His voice was gentle and had an unmistakable ring of truth to it that was sufficient for her to raise her head and look at him.

_He doesn't judge me. Good thing number…lost count, about Remus Lupin._ "Well, what do you see then? Remus, do explain because I'm mystified if it's something good." Her voice carried a definite tinge of bitterness to it at this, one that could not be passed off as another emotion. _Damn._

"I see a pretty face that goes with a sharp mind." _Are you complimenting her Remus? I rather think you are; she thoroughly deserves it._ A slight flush came to Remus's face at his words and his thoughts combined and he quickly looked away after a moment, missing the fact that Tonks's eyes had lit up and that she looked touched.

"No one…has ever said that to me before." Tonks's voice was even, but there was evident emotion waiting to bubble up that she kept squashed.

This caused him to look at her again. "I sincerely hope you're joking, Tonks."

"Why would I joke? I told you, I don't let people see my real form."

"They don't know what they're missing." _Oh dear Merlin, did I really say that out loud?_

Tonks opened her mouth to reply before the sound of a wooden leg dragging on the floor, followed by the sound of a disgruntled mutter from one Kingsley Shacklebolt, most likely an irritated comment about the racket Mad-Eye was making. He was _not_ known for being a morning person. Tonks gave a grin to Remus, still somewhat fluttered, and mouthed at him 'here comes the doom and gloom to start the day', causing him to start snickering into his coffee, which he had just refilled.

Trying to reconcile herself to what had just happened between herself and Remus; Tonks focused upon the two men and opened her mouth to greet them. "Aha! Tonks, just the person I need to see!" exclaimed Kingsley with a grin. Tonks regarded him warily at this, disconcerted by his sudden change of demeanour, and shot back "I'm not covering your shift today, I'm not doing any of your reports and I'm not going on double duty tonight. So quit while you're ahead." The light tease behind her voice suggested that she knew better than that, but of course she couldn't read minds and immediately guess what her superior wanted. "Just kidding, morning, what are you after me for?"

"None of the aforementioned; I need you out on the job this afternoon, scouring London." Seeing the slightly crestfallen look on Lupin's face, Kingsley winked subtly at him and questioned "would you like company? I daresay Remus wouldn't mind taking a walk out with you."

"You're quite rude presuming Remus doesn't have something to do already. After all, it is his day off, in case you haven't forgotten. I would at least have the courtesy to ask first, as much as I certainly wouldn't mind having him with me." Tonks's words were spoken haughtily to Kingsley but a glance to Remus revealed that she wouldn't mind him being there. _Quite the opposite, actually._

_Well, this saves me having to ask her if she'd like to go to lunch with me, admittedly. _Remus gave a smile and saluted Tonks. "If you don't mind me coming along, I'm quite happy to come out with you. I'm not the sit around type at any rate, not unless I have someone to sit around with."

His words were accompanied by a soft flash of pleading blue eyes, one that made Tonks melt inside. _Oh Merlin, here I go again! It is such a good job that he doesn't know what I'm thinking right now._ A grin was given to Remus as she got to her feet "this afternoon? What do you want me to do this morning?" Seconds later, she wished that she hadn't asked when Kingsley dumped a large folder in front of her.

"You can work from here; you don't have to be in the office to do paperwork. Just read these over and check for clues and evidence that seem out of kilter or suspicious. We're looking at reviving some of these cases in order to question the acquitted. You'll find that most of them are Death Eaters, former or otherwise." With this and a nod, Kingsley swept out of the room, heading to the office of the Muggle Prime Minister, where he was currently based as both an assistant and bodyguard. He was still obligated to do some regular Auror work of course, circumstances being as they currently were, but this was his main assignment.

Tonks groaned heavily at the sight of the paperwork and sank back into her chair, hitting her head off the table with a thunk that echoed throughout the kitchen. "I hate that man." Her voice had a tone of ironic humour to it, suggesting that she didn't mean what she said. Moody was sat nearby, observing both her and Remus in silence. Noticing this, Tonks questioned "what interests you, Mad-Eye?"

Moody raised a sardonic eyebrow at the young Metamorphmagus and then glanced at Lupin, who had yet to take his eyes off her. "It's not so much what interests me as what interests two people I know rather well. Have a good day, both of you, and remember…"

Before he could finish his sentence, Tonks cut him off with a perfectly imitated "…CONSTANT VIGILENCE!" which sent Remus into quiet snickers again. "I believe that she has you beat for doing that now, Alastor. You couldn't have said it better yourself."

Moody rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath, but it was good-natured and he showed no sign of real ill humour, which was saying something considering how early it was in the morning. "I probably couldn't have, as much as I detest admitting it. I'm glad to see that the idle one is out of bed early for a change however, it saved Kingsley from attempting to wake you and getting assaulted with your shoe collection." At Remus's baffled look resulting from his words, he shook his head and mouthed "_don't ask_," at him, ignoring the undeniably filthy look Tonks had shot in his direction.

Moments later, he had swept out of the kitchen, leaving a chuckling werewolf and a slightly embarrassed looking Metamorphmagus in his wake.

Remus tilted his head and looked at her quizzically. "Shoe collection?"

Tonks immediately got to her feet. "Please, not this early in the morning. I'll explain a bit later, for now I'm going to curl in bed and examine paperwork. Would you like to come and sit in? I'm avoiding food for another hour or so till Molly is awake."

The invitation made Remus smile. "I'd like that very much. Company is nice…yours in particular."

The compliment made Tonks flush slightly, and leaving the room with him following she wondered if this was such a good idea.

_After all…I don't think I can trust myself not to open my mouth and blurt what I'm currently feeling._

Note: I will update my stories asbest I can. Please be patient with regards to Remus & Juliet in particular since my muse appears to have deserted me for the moment where Remus/Hermione is concerned. If I can't crank any more for it within a week or two I'm putting it on hiatus until I get some new material and new inspiration to write it.


	6. Chapter 5

A Smile in the Dark.

_Chapter Five._

Once they reached her room, Remus couldn't help but notice how empty it seemed, how devoid of her own personal touches that she gave to everywhere else without intention. As if noticing his scrutiny, she swept her hand out to indicate the room and said "I don't spend more time than I have to here. I prefer to be working, doing something useful for the Order."

He returned this with a smile and stated easily "I can relate to that," noticing that despite the lack of most personal effects there was a stack of books on the bedside table, along with an alarm clock. There were several pairs of shoes peeking out from under the edge of the bed, but other than that there was little evidence that this room belonged to anyone in particular. Spotting the title on top of all the others, Remus's eyes lit up. _She has good taste in books!_

Tonks spotted his expression and questioned "what makes you smile, Mr. Lupin?" with one of her own.

"Observing the fact that you appear to share my own predilection for reading – I didn't know that you enjoyed these." Deciding to take a slight liberty, Remus walked over and picked up the first one that had caught his eye. "Most of the other Order members think me an odd one for enjoying Muggle literature – even the ones who have some influence of Muggle blood." His eyes shining, he quoted from the novel in his hand, wondering if she'd recognise it. "_Gil-galad was an Elven king, of him the harpers sadly sing_…"

A smile leapt to Tonks's features as he quoted the Lord of the Rings, continuing herself with aplomb and dexterity of tone, all the correct vocal inflections in the right places. "…_the last whose realm was fair and free, between the mountains and the sea_." A pause and she questioned "shall I go on?"

"If you like," he replied, privately thinking that she had a beautiful speaking voice. _If I was asked to liken it to any spell or charm, I would say that none other could be quite as potent nor as lovely._ He seated himself upon the edge of her bed, like a scholar attentive to the wisdom of every word of knowledge thrown his way.

"_His sword was long, his lance was keen. _

_His shining helm afar was seen. _

_The many stars of heaven's field _

_Were mirrored in his silver shield_."

Tonks spoke with a sonorous resonation on the vowels of her words, making it all the richer and lending it a very real quality. Remus could actually see the image that her voice painted in his mind's eye, and this only proved to him that she had a gift.

Suddenly her voice faltered and ceased, leaving him mourning at the loss of it inwardly. She seemed to come out of some sort of trance, and her cheeks went slightly pink as she returned to her normal way of speaking – though Remus now noticed the slight musical quality to it that he had never registered before. "I don't think I should continue. We don't need an echo of Mordor on top of what we already have here." His nod of agreement satisfied her, but it also made her more conscious of her current predicament.

The truth was; Tonks was embarrassed that she had let Remus see such a part of her, and a curtain of unmistakable shyness had fallen over her usually confident and cheerful demeanour. "Mum read them to me, before she…went away."

Remus, still partially spellbound by this that he had seen, spoke with a slight lump in his throat. "I understand." And he did – he had known Andromeda. He had been there when the notice came back she had fallen in battle as a member of the Order. Tonks would have only been about five, maybe a little older. This had to be one of the few memories of her mother that she could cling onto and appreciate. His heart hurt for her.

Tonks's eyes had reddened slightly around the edges, but this was removed with a swift use of her morphing abilities. Her footsteps took her over to the bedside cabinet, walking past him, and there she collected a stack of papers that had been concealed by the books. When she turned to him her face was calm, her voice detached. "I think I'd better work a bit. Can't have the Ministry finding reason to sack me."

Remus's heart sank at the tone of her voice now, any trace of familiarity apparently removed from it. "Tonks, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude." His eyes gleamed blue with the briefest flash of gold, distress heightening their deep colour as he looked at her. He got to his feet and touched her shoulder, meeting her gaze without hesitation.

The touch to her arm made Tonks realise what she must have seemed like. "No, no! You didn't!" she exclaimed earnestly, suddenly noticing how tall he was. _He's at least three inches taller than me._ "It's always nice to know when someone shares an interest in the fantasy genre." This was accompanied by a smile, and she felt his hand burning through her clothes, into her skin. _Oh no. Not now, not in front of him. You are not going to let him see you blush any more, Nymphadora._

Remus looked at her, noting how genuine her smile seemed, but then reminded himself that she was a Metamorphmagus. _If she was the devious type, she could give Machiavelli a run for his money with regards to duplicity. Such as it is, she could easily fool me that she's all right._ His other hand moving to touch her other arm now, his eyes were warm and slightly remorseful. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."

_Oh good Merlin, how do I get out of this one? _Unable to move despite the lightness of his touch, Tonks could only look up at him with emotion in her eyes that could not be veiled.

The look in her eyes made Remus wonder if she was truly concealing anything after all, if perhaps he had misread her actions. _I sincerely hope that I have not made a gross misinterpretation. _"Nonetheless, I _am_ sorry. I didn't mean to bring up a painful memory."

He seemed so altogether worried that he had caused her any grief that Tonks knew she couldn't lie to him. "All memories are painful Remus, because that's all that they are – memories." A sad smile accompanied this; a sudden wisdom appearing that had not been there before, the smallest flash of her Black heritage slipping through. "Now, papers." Reluctant as she was to move from him, she was realising quickly that she was giving away too much. She stepped back and seated herself on the bed, spreading her reports out and beginning to skim one.

Remus was at a loss for what to do, knowing that there was much more to her thoughts than he had perhaps touched upon but also somehow knowing that it wasn't really his place to probe into them. "Have the Ministry been heaping you down with it again?" he questioned, returning to normality so quickly that he surprised himself.

"Yes, they're the height of all evil next to the one we're fighting," she joked lightly, a small grin coming over her features. "I'm expecting to be sent on a mission any day now. I don't know where I'll be, what I'll be doing or why I'll be doing it, but I suppose I'll just get on with it as I always do."

Concern was the emotion rushing through Remus now, concern and worry. "You mean, they're just going to order you off and you have to go without questioning them?"

Tonks looked at him, interrupting her perusal of her current report. "Well, yes. That's how it generally works – I have to take orders or I'll blow my cover."

Suddenly feeling rather ridiculous at questioning what should have been perfectly obvious, Remus blurted at random "You know; you have a lovely speaking voice. It's like music." _Good Merlin Lupin, could you be any more cliché?_

Tonks flushed then, and she knew that there was no hiding it this time. _Bollocks._ Her only real response was to dip her head shyly, in a way that Remus found charming, and reply softly "thank you," before her eyes dropped to the papers, her hair falling into her face.

This slight awkwardness was one that was unfamiliar to Remus, and so he attempted to continue speaking. "What do you think Kingsley has in mind for you today?"

Grateful for the diversion from the growing flutter in her stomach, Tonks replied "oh, most likely just patrolling – under cover, of course. I refuse to pull the old lady disguise today though."

This typically Tonks remark put Remus back at his ease and made him laugh heartily. "I'd imagine that's not exactly your favourite disguise."

"No, it irritates me to pretend to be old and at least partially infirm when I'm perfectly capable. I prefer it when I get to age myself up just a tiny bit, or not at all. It's simple to disguise yourself when you have an age group target in mind." Warming up to the subject and leaving the pretty much completed paperwork to one side, Tonks got to her feet again, her hands moving animatedly as she explained how her structure worked.

"For instance, if I'm going to be looking out for an older person, I'm going to want to be inconspicuous unless I actually want them to find me. That's mostly for trapping missions, if you put bait out though. And…you know all this, why am I still talking?"

"Because you're talking about something you love doing for the most part, and it shows." Remus's voice was warm at this, but he was careful in the way he showed it. _Wouldn't do for her to be making any guesses, would it?_

"Hm, I guess that perhaps you're right." Tonks frowned briefly in thought for a moment, before her expression cleared and she smiled brightly once more, an almost impish look coming to her features. "Breakfast will be ready in three, two, one…"

Though the comment had seemed random as she had said it, Molly shouted a moment later, confirming the statement and causing Remus to dissolve into laughter once again, hand resting over his stomach as he lay, helpless from it. "Tonks…don't do that. It's painful to laugh this much!" He was unaware of the difference in his features as he looked at her, unaware of the lines and pain that laughter removed from his face, lending it a more youthful aspect than it had previously possessed. This effect that she had on him didn't seem to be fading all that quickly, which was something that surprised Remus, but not unpleasantly so. _Tonks is wonderful company, to be sure. Most certainly._

Rising to his feet, he extended his hand to her. "I'm going to presume that you might like breakfast. May I escort you downstairs?" The old-fashioned gallantry was entirely unintentional on his part, and he cringed at how silly she must think him, preparing himself to be laughed at. Tonks's reaction, on the other hand, was actually rather the opposite.

"I rather liked hearing you talk. And…you should laugh more often you know. It's a good sound to hear from you as well." Tonks paused, before placing her small, surprisingly delicate hand into Remus's and blushing the slightest bit, a response that seemed to be instantaneous around Remus of late. _This man is very, very bad for my blood vessels…at least, the ones in my cheeks. They appear to be working overtime, and I've no idea why. How very unsettling…but it isn't unpleasant. Oh, far from it._ A moment later, and the confident, almost sensual voice that emitted from her lips surprised even her. "I've no objection to being escorted by such a handsome and polite gentleman. You might say that it's my lucky day." With this, she was on her feet and standing next to him, gliding across the floor with smooth footsteps as they walked together, heading downstairs to sample the delight that always seemed to be Molly Weasley's cooking. Despite everything, both were so occupied with their own thoughts and each other that they failed to notice that they had talked together for a good hour or more without tiring of the other's company. In fact, the thoughts on both of their minds very much indicated that they couldn't wait to spend the afternoon together.

And so, it was with smiles and good humour that they entered the Grimmauld kitchen together, entirely ignorant of the eyes upon them as they continued their bantering and conversational flirtation.

Author's note: I'm aware that it's been a sinfully long time since my last update, and all readers have every right to wish to bash me upside the head for such…but please, have mercy. Real life gets in the way sometimes, you know. ;)


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